So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
