We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
