Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
