a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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