My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
