Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
