I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
