I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
