Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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