Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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