an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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