Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
