I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
