Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
