If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
