I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
