I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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