Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
