That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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