someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
