first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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