who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
