I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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