I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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