so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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