Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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