i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
