My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
