Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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