I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
