She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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