so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
