I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
