i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
