operation have a gay friend backfired
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
