Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
