Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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