So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
