someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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