I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
