I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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