Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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