I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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