I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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