i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Two words: nipple clamps
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