i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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