What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize