just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
