Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
