i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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