i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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