Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
