I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
