Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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