Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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