I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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