not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
