Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
