Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You are the jesus of drinking
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His nipple licking is glorious
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