its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
