TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
