My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
