I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Four minutes until I can fart!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
