i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
