I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
