He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
