come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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