your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
