I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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