when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
