sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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