i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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