fuck your aforementioned shoe
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
