The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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