what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Moan for me like Helen Keller
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
