I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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