Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
