If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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