Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
