he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
