I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
