Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
