He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
