OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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