I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
