I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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