Plan B is the new Plan A
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize