I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
