Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
