i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
