I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
