when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
