The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
