fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Come on in and take your pants off
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