I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
