So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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