I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
