Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
