We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
