In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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