I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Vodka?
Forever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
