I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
