I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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