My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
