Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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