Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
