It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Randomize
