My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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