shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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