Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
