My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found a bag of teeth...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
